It's birthday season in the Bovenizer house! Spencer kicks things off next Wednesday when he turns 15. So cliche... but so crazy to believe he's 15.
I know it's perfectly normal for parents to be ridiculously proud of their kids. I know it's also perfectly normal for those same ridiculously proud parents to also, at times, be disappointed, furious, confused, and oblivious. So I know we're all perfectly normal! :)
Spencer has had a big year. Lots of stuff has happens to him, for him, with him since his last birthday.
Shortly after his last birthday he won a middle school football championship for a team that he (and I) adored. He was a leader on that team, both on and off the field. In the post-season banquet the coaches spent more time talking about his attitude and work ethic than they talked about the fact that he was only half a tackle away from breaking the school's all-time tackle record - despite missing 3 whole games through the season. He handled himself - through both the challenges and the successes - on that team in a way that I could brag about for days. He impressed me. And my standards are pretty high...
That football experience bolstered his confidence, his social standing (lets be honest, football players are viewed differently in the school hallways), and his reputation as a hard worker and reliable teammate. The season also left us with a healthcare mess.
Spencer tore the labrum in his right shoulder in the championship game. He injured it again playing lacrosse. And again working out. He ended up with surgery in January and a strict "no activity" plan for months. It was a full 6 months before he was back to normal. He missed an entire wrestling season. He missed an entire lacrosse season. For someone who placed so much value on physical activity and leading on a team, this was a serious blow. I had some significant concerns that he would, for lack of a better way of putting it, wither. I worried he'd be depressed. Worried he'd lose the special fire that was in him the previous season. I worried more about his mental health than the status of the healing shoulder.
And you know what? Once again, that child impressed me. He accepted the "hand that was dealt him" and didn't just get through it - he thrived through it.
Instead of being able to wrestle, he became the program's biggest marketer. He talked up the value of wrestling for success in other sports. Teammates from his football team joined. His brother joined. He supported the program by believing in the process enough to "sell it".
Instead of being able to play lacrosse, he coached it. How cool is that? A 14 year old willing to spend time with a bunch of 1st graders to help them learn a sport he loves. Impressive... (Aside - I thought this was a time-filler while he was unable to play, but he's already asked me what team he'll be assigned to this spring. Awesome attitude and willingness to "give back"!)
I would love to say that while he had some downtime he focused on his schoolwork and killed the 8th grade, but the reality is that he didn't have much downtime because he insisted on going to all the practices and supporting his teams from the sidelines. He did fine in his schoolwork. Better than average, but not to the potential I think he could have performed. Once he got his freshman year class recommendations (which included all the honors/AP classes he was eligible to take) he realized that no one was ever going to look at his 8th grade transcripts. Hard to argue with that...
So he focused instead on his social network and in making some really great friends. This includes his first "real" girlfriend and his first official school formal. Both of these things make me gasp just a bit because they are some significant milestones and things I distinctly remember from my own adolescence.
Starting High School is another of those big milestones. Going from a "king of the hill" 8th grader to a freshman is pretty hard. Certainly an adjustment period. Once again - I'm impressed with how Spencer has handled this. He tackles new situations with a level of confidence I wish I had. He's got quite a lot of "I'll figure it out" in him and a really nice compliment of common sense to go along with it. He has had some bumps - both in football and in classes. Things haven't been smooth sailing for him, but they sure could be worse!
He has learned (I think/hope/pray) that there are times it's important to humble yourself and ask for help. He's dealt with some misunderstandings based purely on the fact that he's not communicated well. He's accepted that. And by all appearances, because goodness knows he doesn't share nearly as many details as I want about what's going on with his life, he's corrected some situations that could have gone off the rails.
Spencer has been surprised by the difficulty of high school courses. I feel for him because his schedule is almost as difficult as it could possibly be for a freshman. There's a math class above the one he's in, but everything else he's "maxed out" and it's a hard schedule. Also, he's never really had to work very hard in the past, so I'm not convinced he really knew how to study and prepare. He's figuring it out and I'm pretty confident that we "caught" the grade-slide early enough that he can work himself out of the hole he dug. This topic has been the source of many discussions lately! Instead of shutting down, making excuses, giving up - he's working to fix things - and making some big improvements. There's still work to do... but his attitude about it is (almost always) impressive.
Figuring out how to focus his time and energy to meet his goals is going to be really important as we move into his 15th year. He's got some very lofty goals - and a very limited amount of time. He's got a truck to rebuild and the clock is ticking to figure out how to get it done on his budget before he turns 16. He's very motivated - and I've not really seen him fail at something that he's this passionate about so I have every expectation he will drive that truck on his 16th birthday.
He's also focused on making the most of his "student athlete" status. He's playing football, fall lacrosse, wrestling, and spring lacrosse. He works out nearly every day. He's politely disagreeing with all the people who say that it's time to select one sport and specialize. He's modeling himself to athletes who have had very successful careers "doing it all". He may be trying to put us in the poor house with all the registration fees and all the equipment needs, but I will support him in this goal for as long as it's important to him. He's an impressive kid and I have vowed not to do anything that somehow artificially limits what appears to be an unlimited potential in him.
Looking back over the last 12 months, Spencer has taken up a huge amount of our time and thoughts and energy. He's had more ups and downs - and certainly more transitions - than the rest of the family combined. I've probably spent more time talking about and thinking about and praying about our oldest boy than I have his brothers. I'm unapologetic about this fact. He's through the transitions. He's settling in. He's poised for great things and prepared (or at least preparing) to continue to be impressive. He needed a lot of parenting this year. I expect that was the pinnacle with him. I know there will continue to be lessons we teach him and things he needs from us, but I expect our "heavy lifting" with him is mostly past us.
I don't say this in a naive way where I think everything going forward will be unicorns and rainbows. I say this because I know that he's more man than child now. I say this because I know he knows right from wrong. I say this because he's impressive as his own person. And I am ridiculously proud of that person!
I wish Spencer the happiest of birthdays next Wednesday and can't wait to see what this year brings. I think we will kick things off with a trip to the DMV for his driver's permit and then a stop for birthday brunch.
Tonight Spencer has a football game, then Zane has one on Saturday morning and then we kick off a blissfully slow "fall break" week! Stay tuned for more birthday tributes and some fun pictures from Burt's Pumpkin Farm 2017 coming soon!!
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