Picture of the Week - 11/17/2022

 This week is so fun!  And so full of STUFF!  The kind of stuff that's leaving me mentally stressed and emotionally excited!

My parents are currently in the Caribbean somewhere.  Bob is in the frozen tundra (Fargo, ND) for work.  And my big boys are still at school.  This time next week - they will ALL be in my house.  I mean, if that's not enough to make a mama heart happy, I'm not sure what would do it.

In the meantime, I've got lists (to-dos and check varieties) and a spreadsheet of what needs to be done when.  (Turkey comes out today because it's an enormous beast.)  I haven't hosted Thanksgiving since before Spencer was born.  Feeling a little rusty - and also up for the challenge!  (So long as there's wine involved!)

In the middle of all the Thanksgiving prep - I'm also trying to get things ready for Spencer's first trip home since August and Quinn's return tomorrow as well.  I want to surround them with reasons to want to come home again - college parents out there, I know you get this...  I'm making Chicken n Dumplins for Quinn tomorrow.  I've got Chili fixins for Saturday.  Oh and the wrestling club's annual Thanksgiving Duals is on Tuesday.  I may be running all stuff that happens off the mats.  (Concessions, Hospitality, Volunteers, Signage, Decorations, etc.)  I love this tourney - it's my favorite of the year.  It's at our own high school.  It's very early in the season - so no stress or pressure.  It's MY official launch of the holiday season.  And I get to spend the whole day with my friends.  It's a really fun day.  (But it's also a lot of work!)  

It'll all get done.  Or it won't.  No one is going to die.  And all will be well.  

I'm grateful to get to live this crazy, chaotic life.  Wouldn't trade it for the world.  (Although I would prefer Bob be here instead of freezing in North Dakota.  And he needs a hat, right?!?!?)

Picture of the Week - 2/15/2018

You know that old saying "do as I say, not as I do"?  I happen to think that little saying is a pretty powerful parenting ideal.  I mean that's hard...  but it's something that Bob and I think about.  Goodness knows we aren't perfect at it!!!  I mean, we are FAR from perfect in general, but this is definitely one of those things that is "easier said than done".  Whoa - I'm on a roll...  Anyway...  one of the things that I hope our boys pick up from being raised in our house is the behaviors that support our core belief system.  There's a reason "Discipline equals freedom" is our family motto.  We believe you work for what you want and don't expect hand outs.  We have shattered most traditional gender roles in the home.  We protect those that are smaller or weaker than ourselves.  Education is important.  Luck is not a thing.  Actions always have consequences - and the consequences are owned by the person making the decision.  Sounds like a dreadful place to live now that I'm looking at it on paper...  LOL  We also hug - a lot!  So don't go off thinking we are running some kind of unfeeling and cold sweat camp!

I'm guessing that anyone who doesn't read these emails and just looks at the pictures will have the totally wrong idea looking at this picture of a hotel bed with too-soft hotel pillows sent the day after Valentine's Day.  This is definitely not an email about romance...  it's more about guilt and stress with a good sprinkle of trepidation thrown in for fun.  It's also a view that I've seen more in the last few weeks than my own home.

I've managed to get myself in over my head at work - again - and it's lead to one of those HARD working-mom phases of life.  I've had hard working-mom phases before - like when you have to leave a 3 month old for the first time.  When you have to lug a breast pump to Vegas for a conference.  When you miss games and events and milestones...  It's the clash of career and family.  I'm sure as heck not the first to struggle with the balance - and I know I won't be the last.  So I know I'll get through this phase...  but that doesn't erase the doubt and anxiety.

I think one of the major contributing factors to the discomfort of this current phase is that all of the different things adding work to my "plate" are also adding a level of engagement and enjoyment to the work that I haven't had in a long time.  I'm enjoying my job more than I have in ages.  And that should be awesome, but the problem is that this work comes with travel - a LOT of it - and that means I'm exchanging job satisfaction for family time.  I HATE that there has to be a trade-off.  And I have guilt about all of this!  The kind of guilt that wakes you in the night with its whispers.

I've been asked to join a number of different events and training opportunities at work recently.  All of these are things I consider to be big benefits and opportunities.  I have been "fast tracking" through leadership training.  This essentially means that I haven't even finished leadership training 1 and they've pulled me into leadership training 2.  There are lots of reasons they did this - all good - but it layers the work I have to do to "pass" these training events and essentially doubles both the work and the time required away from the house.  Have I mentioned lately that I work for a company headquartered in Scotland who views the cross-Atlantic flight the same way some companies would look at jumping a plane down to Orlando...  

The leadership stuff would be fine, but then I was also selected as a Lean Leader (which is the training I'm doing this week).  This is something I'm actually really interested in.  I love processes and efficiency and reducing waste.  Many Lean principles are easily translated from work to home stuff (sorry Bob...  we may have to flowchart out our regular processes) and I just find them interesting.  Logistics is probably my true calling, so anytime I can combine what I get paid to do with stuff that I find interesting is a win/win.  My company is going through a Lean Transformation that started about 6 months ago.  I'm in Lean Leader wave 2 - which means I'm not the first group through this process, but would definitely be considered an early adopter.  We've spent the week so far talking about all the work that we have to do to first achieve certification (pass the coursework) and then how we are expected to help drive the change.  

Change is hard!  Managing people through it is stressful.  It's a sorta normal part of managing people in general - because the only thing constant is (everyone say it with me) change...  but when the change comes fast and furious, I find myself spending as much time talking my employees and colleagues off ledges as I do getting actual work done.  My team just went through a reorganization.  My boss left the organization.  I have a new boss, new management team, new expectations.  new new new.  It's all good, but change is hard.  I want to help get this organization through the transformation and I really believe I can help people around me to become better, more efficient, more focused employees.  I can do it, but it all takes time - which is increasingly difficult to come by recently.

And then last week, 2 days into my week in Scotland, I was presented with a great honor and opportunity.  My company participates in and sponsors an executive MBA program with the University of Strathclyde in Glascow Scotland.  They select 2 employees to join this program every other year - one from the US and one from the UK.  The selected employees get to go through a specially developed curriculum focused on innovation and international business - resulting in an MBA for the 25 participants who go through each cycle.  I am starting my cycle next month and will graduate in July of 2021 - just after Spencer graduates from high school.  This is not going to be easy - from both a coursework and a travel perspective.  I will go to Glascow 6-7 times a year from next month through Sept of 2020 for classes and will have group-based assignments to complete on top of work and home and all that stuff that I'm already doing.  I am already apprehensive about how this will fit into our hectic lives...

But I'm also so excited about it.  What a great opportunity.  Clearly this is one of those things that you can't say no to - even though it was a hard decision knowing all the stuff I will miss at home while working through all this...  work.  I couldn't do this without the support freely offered up from both my parents and Bob.  They all said "we will do what we can to support you" and I know they mean it.  Bob is a saint.  Really...  he just picks up all the stuff that needs to be done and has never EVER made me feel guilty about the things I need to do for my job.  The guilt comes from within...  and it's pretty significant right now.  

All of this is modeled behavior that I want my boys to see, learn from, and expect from themselves and the families they go on to build.  I couldn't imagine shying away from any of the stuff going on with my job right now because it's "hard".  What kind of message would that send to my boys?  I love the fact that they see the support system I have in place to allow me to go do these things.  I think it's so vitally important that they see their dad supporting me - and them - because that's what good men look like.  Believe me, I understand that the time we have with these boys is limited and it really does KILL ME that I am going to miss more of it, but at the end of the day, we are building men.  Men who need to understand what "good"* looks like and then strive to get there themselves.  

*This is our version of "good".  Mine and Bob's.  It does not need to look like your version of good and if you find yourself somehow offended by what we are doing and where we place our core values, that's totally fine.  I don't share any of this to make any kind of claim that our version of good is better than anyone else's, so if you feel that way, that's on you.  And would lead me to recommend that you spend some time thinking about what your core values are and how strongly you feel about them because if you have a plan that you are executing your plan, then nothing I've shared here should be offensive...  

If I miss a POTW here and there over the next 3 years, assume I'm on a plane somewhere...  otherwise, come along on this crazy journey with us.  I'm sure there will be ups and downs and wins and losses and maybe more than a few tears.  But that's life, y'all.  Let's pack as much into it as we can!

Tuesday we are off on our annual Buckeye cruise.  I'm desperately looking forward to spending more than 5 minutes with my husband.  And cold beer.  Cold beer sounds really lovely!

Picture of the Week - 1/18/2018

You guys know I love my boys.  Right!  I love them a LOT.

But y'all, this week has been SO challenging!  

Bob and I are both up to our eyeballs in work for our actual paying jobs right now.  It's a busy time as our companies are coming out of the holiday slow periods.  Stress and work and phone calls and blah!

And then there's prep for lacrosse.  Not complaining about this one because I actually (mostly) really enjoy this stuff, but there's a LOT of work that goes into kicking off a spring lacrosse season for 220 boys.  Logistics are NO JOKE.  I have easily spent a couple of hours every day this week on this "hobby" of mine...  not complaining, but it's work that needs to be done and I'm the one who needs to get it done.  

And then it went and snowed.  And got freezing.  And school was cancelled for 2 days.  This has changed ALL our plans this week.  It has changed wrestling tournaments and practice schedules and of course the boys have been stuck at home all week.  

Perfect storm.

The result is a SERIOUSLY depleted "snackin' closet" and 4 boys who have essentially run a muck most of the week.  This picture is from dinner last night.  Your eyes are not deceiving you, they are all in pajamas.  We did get them to get dressed today and at least the big ones bathed.  

Tomorrow they go to school!  (Thank goodness!)

Tomorrow is also the Mother/Son Laser Tag extravaganza at the elementary school and Spencer is participating in a JV tournament as the varsity tournament is cancelled for the weekend.  Also Quinn starts lacrosse practice this weekend.  Hang on - Spring season craziness starts in 3.... 2.... 1.... GO!

Picture of the Week - 3/30/2017

Some weeks are harder than others.  Sometimes a week is physically hard because of schedule (travel/games/conflicts).  Some weeks are mentally hard.  This week has been both.

Bob and I have both had "heavy" work weeks.  We have also had 2 sick kids - one VERY sick...  And to top all that off, we have to do some tough parenting.  The tough love kind that you know you have to do, but don't WANT to do at all.  And it all sucks.

We all want our kids to be happy, right?  And certainly making decisions that align with what they WANT to do is easier than fighting the current.  

But at the end of the day, our JOB is not to make them HAPPY.  It's to raise them into GOOD PEOPLE.  Our job, as parents, is not to always say yes.  Not to always take the easy path.  Sometimes we have to look at a situation, from all the angles, and make the unpopular decision.  This is not done out of spite, but out of an obligation to do the RIGHT thing.  It hurts and is unpleasant all around.  

All we can do is pray that someday these boys will look back (as I have done, to be honest) and think "wow...  that sucked, but I get it and I appreciate that my parents loved me enough to push me to be the possible version of myself".

So...  yeah...  where's the wine?

Oh - and I almost forgot...  Beckett had to have one of his front teeth pulled out because it was infected.  We've been messing with this tooth (and his neighbor) for years.  He got cavities between his front teeth (parents of the year...) and we had them capped a while back.  And then one of them got infected - and now it's gone.  So...  here's his new "look" for the next couple of years.  I think at some point this would have probably bothered me, but with Beck - I just think it's cute.  And it's a baby tooth.  And in the grand scheme of things (see above) a pulled tooth is NOTHING.  

Picture of the Week - 1/5/2017

News.  Of the unexpected variety.

Have you ever wondered why "unexpected" news is normally either really good or really bad?  It's very rare that something I consider "unexpected news" is simply MEH.  Like sometimes gallons of milk go on sale, which is always unexpected, but I don't really consider that news.  And sometimes news happens, like I get the boys' final semester grades, but I don't really find any of them unexpected.  

The unexpected stuff has, for me at least, tended to cause either great joy or great stress.  Unfortunately we've had more of the latter than the former recently.

And maybe stress isn't the right word for this.  Maybe these recent healthcare related bits of news are more a hassle than stress.  Things could certainly be worse.  I know this.  I remind myself of it almost daily.  Things have, in our very own past, BEEN worse.  So yeah, maybe this is just the way life is.  We have some very normal and kind of boring days with cuddles and homemade chicken soup and we have some days with letters from the school and doctors appointments bringing "unexpected news".  

And we get through both of these kinds of days.  And we learn and grow and say some prayers for all our blessings.  Maybe I should stop thinking of these things as "unexpected" and just view them as THINGS that belong to our family and that we get the opportunity to deal with in the most constructive way we can.  

That's certainly more comforting.  New motto - no more "unexpected news"...  only OPPORTUNITIES for growth.  

So here's the scoop...

A few months ago we got an email from the school about their annual Scoliosis screening.  They were looking for volunteers.  I paid the email almost zero attention.  I forgot when it was.  It didn't register with me at all.  

Then Quinn came home and said he was flagged for a follow-up evaluation.  Hmmm...  that's interesting, but still not something that I did anything about.  I didn't even hit up the internet to look for information about Scoliosis.  Just wasn't bothered by this OPPORTUNITY at all.  In fact, I don't think it even hit the "news" part of my consciousness.  I think I likely blew it off as an error and something the follow-up would clear up for us.  

Then Quinn went to the follow-up and came home saying they saw the same thing.  He has a curve in his back and his left shoulder is higher than his right.  Well then...  It just so happened that the day after this second evaluation was Spencer's 14 year old well-child appointment.  This all happened right after Thanksgiving.  I asked the doctor, during Spencer's visit, about Quinn's OPPORTUNITY and she said she wanted to see him herself, had an opening in the afternoon, and we would go from there.  Well then...

Then Quinn saw the doctor, who confirmed the findings of the school screening and ordered an X-ray.  So by this time, I'd hit up the internet and done a fair bit of reading.  It's really only possible to 1) confirm Scoliosis and 2) determine how bad it is and 3) determine best course of action with an X-ray.  

This is one of those times that I'm SO VERY thankful that we live in a big city with good healthcare options and services for kids.  I contacted Children's Healthcare of Atlanta, who has a Scoliosis department and does regular Scoliosis clinics.  I spoke to the director of this group.  Turns out she lives near us.  She personally knows our pediatricians.  She used to work on the Cardiac Step Down unit at Egelston (where Quinn had his heart surgeries).  I was instantly put at ease and knew we were in good hands.

Then Quinn went to the Scoliosis clinic and got his X-ray.  This was right after Christmas.  His Scoliosis diagnosis was confirmed.  He's got a 4 degree left curve in his thoracic spine and a 6 degree right curve in his lumbar spine - classic S shape.  These curves are very mild.  More on that later..  They also measure how "mature" bone growth is to determine how much more growing is left.  The more growing left, the greater the chance of further curve. They rate bone maturity on a scale of 0-5, where 5 is fully grown.  Quinn is a 0.  (Aside, he was very pleased about this as he seems to be just hitting his growth spurt and is quite anxious to look down on me.)

The plan for Quinn, given his mild curves, but significant growth coming, is to monitor.  No restrictions.  No bracing.  No talk of any kind of surgical or other intervention.  Scoliosis is not curable.  It is manageable.  This is something he will always have, but it's no different than the cleft in his chin.  It's just how he is.  

We were thrilled with the news that his curve(s) were both under 10%.  We were relieved that we don't need to be seen again for 12 months, when he will revisit the Scoliosis clinic for a new X-ray to see how things are going.  

Then Quinn surprised us all by using this OPPORTUNITY to prove he's bigger than anything his little body is going to throw at him.  And it has thrown a lot at him.  He's gone on about his life like none of this has happened.  Maybe I should take his lead and learn a little lesson about saving worry until it's warranted.

And then a little more scoop...

You all know Spencer hurt his arm in the championship football game back in mid-October. We thought with rest he would be fine.  We assumed it was a sprain/stretched muscle.  He was between seasons.  He got lots of rest and started to feel better.  

Then Spencer participated in a lacrosse tournament.  At one point he laid out a kid and came up moving funny - like his shoulder hurt.  Like he was trying to regain range of motion.  He said he thought it "popped out".  We thought he was crazy, but it was probably time to see a doctor.  This was about a month after the original injury.

Then we saw someone with the CHOA Sports Medicine team.  (Aside, CHOA rocks and we are likely going to end up with a frequent flyer card by the time our boys are raised.)  After an X-ray review, Spencer was prescribed physical therapy to strengthen the area and regain range of motion.  This happened right before Thanksgiving.

Then Spencer started PT - and it was going really well.  We liked the PT folks and they seemed to understand that he was an athlete who was really itching to get back to wrestling and lacrosse.  He was also really wanting to continue his weight training routine.  If Spencer is anything, it's focused about getting himself into the best physical shape his genetics will allow.  He's motivated - and successful.  The PT suggested we get "aggressive" with his sessions to speed up the stabilization of his shoulder and signed us up for sessions 3 times a week.  Both the Sports Med guy and the PT thought we'd be good to go in 4-6 weeks.  

Around 5 weeks passed and Spencer was feeling really good.  This was right before Christmas.  His range of motion was back and he had no pain.  He started doing more stuff.  He went to a Speed and Agility training session with his lacrosse team - in the rain.  He fell on the arm and "heard a pop".  He voluntarily pulled himself back out of all physical activity.  It was this voluntary side-lining that made me think that something was really wrong.  He doesn't voluntarily quit anything.  

Then Spencer went back to the PT - who put the fear of God in us saying that he's had several dislocations and would now need 1) to be braced and 2) 12 weeks of ZERO activity to allow the shoulder to heal.  She didn't even want him to lift his arm above his head to put on clothes.  We were surprised by this OPPORTUNITY.  We really (still) didn't have any idea how serious this was.  

We decided we needed another opinion and should go back to the Sports Med team.  The timing of all of this was both problematic and a blessing.  It was all happening over the holiday break - so we didn't miss any school/work - but it was HARD to schedule the appointments we needed.  Our second visit to Sports Med earned Spencer another X-ray and an order for an MRI.  We sort of forced the MRI scheduling because our insurance deductible was long gone and it was much cheaper to get it done last week than it would have been this week.  If I'm being honest, I thought the MRI would show that he just needed some more PT and some more time and was hoping to prove the PT wrong so we could get him back to sports faster.  

Then we got the results of the MRI.  Spencer has a torn labrum in his shoulder and the MRI showed a fracture.  We were referred to a shoulder specialist with Children's Orthopaedic of Atlanta.  We went to see him yesterday.  If I'm being really honest, I 100% expected him to tell us that we needed to stay the course with the PT.  I did my typical internet research and had convinced myself that the best approach for a torn labrum was rehabilitation to improve shoulder stability - i.e. Physical Therapy.  

Then we saw the specialist, who - long story short - recommended surgery.  Surgery with a 6 month recovery period.  Shoulder surgery for a fit and healthy and athletic 14 year old.  If that's not an OPPORTUNITY for growth, I'm not sure what is.  He's already missed an entire wrestling season and will miss the entire spring lacrosse season.  He will, hopefully and fingers crossed and prayers for normal recovery and successful surgery and all that, be back in time to play football with the Freshman team.  His doctor, rightfully, is looking at the long term.  Spencer, surprisingly, is relieved.  He wants to "fix it" now so he doesn't have to worry about it.  In a way that is more mature than I could expect or ask for, he's willing to take the short term pain to ensure that his long term goals remain intact.  Unexpected news with a side of Life Lesson...

So that's what's going on with us.  We don't know when Spencer's surgery will be yet.  Hopefully I will find out today.  I'd appreciate if you all could keep him in your thoughts and prayers as we work through this process.  He'll do amazingly well and I'm sure someday we will look back at this with the benefit of hindsight and view it as a blessing - or at the least as merely a blip on our family path.  

This got really long...  if you made it this far, here are a couple of funny pictures of the big boys in their hospital gowns.  I'm so thankful they have kept us laughing through all of this.  They are such great kids!

PS - My little boys are, blessedly, healthy and happy and boring.  Nothing going on with them that I would consider an OPPORTUNITY.  Except maybe Zane's hair.  It's kind of out of control in the dry, furnace heat.  Apparently his hair really misses the humidity.

Picture of the Week - 12/15/2016

My theme for this holiday season may end up being "Fake it 'til you make it".  I'm having a tough time getting into the spirit this year.  And I feel bad even admitting that.  The Holiday season is supposed to be magical and full of gift wrapping and baking and peppermint.  So far my season feels pretty full of work and stress and drama.

Thank goodness for the little boys.  Because of them, I feel like I have to fake some holiday cheer.  Eventually opening that Star Wars Advent calendar and finding the elf and reading the Christmas stories and watching the classic movies is gonna force me, for real, into the holiday spirit.  For now I'm gonna just keep faking it.  

Part of the reason I'm stressed and busy dealing with drama is (admittedly minor) because of lacrosse and the Select evaluations.  To make a very long story short, Quinn got cut.  So did nearly all of his friends.  This has caused much discussion and I shall not rehash all of the conversations.  It's taken up a HUGE portion of my time over the last 7 days.  It's taken up even more of my energy.  And most of that has been dedicated to trying to protect and preserve the PROGRAM from the fallout - not my son.  More on that someday when I share how I've somehow found myself in charge of the boys program for our league.  I still don't fully understand how that even happened...  

Much drama...

Quinn, despite being disappointed, has taken this in stride.  He understands that if he had been better than everyone else, he would have made the team.  He knows we fully support anything we can do to help prepare him for next year.  We believe in him and think he can prepare himself to be a key member of the Sr Select team next year.  What we aren't sure of, as this is still quite new, is how he's going to respond.  Is he going to step up his game?  Will his desire to get better overcome inertia and cause him to change his behavior and his actions?  Not sure.  I hope so.  And since we've done this before, in different circumstances of course, with Spencer, we know the drill.  We've seen how a disappointment (getting cut, missing out on playing time, etc) can translate into really great things.  

I never like to compare my kids.  They are just WAY TOO DIFFERENT.  However, all Quinn needs to do to see how to turn this situation into something life-changing, is to look at Spencer.  And I know he can do it if he chooses to do so.  

And if he doesn't choose to apply the time and energy and will power to get better at lacrosse, that's OK too.  If he chooses to play the sport for fun.  To use it to spend time with his friends in a less competitive way, that's OK too.  And wrapping my head around that idea has taken some effort - if I'm being honest.  It's hard not to look at what Spencer has done and how much it has improved HIM and not hope for the same with Quinn.  But you know what...  Quinn is NOT Spencer.  They are different.  They have different talents and different abilities and different desires.  I pray that I am able to stay open to whatever Quinn chooses to focus on and that he chooses something to channel his passion into that will make him happy.  

So yeah...  there's been some drama in the house.  

And I haven't even shared some of the new medical stuff we are dealing with.  Not ready yet...  will soon.

As for the old medical stuff, Spencer's shoulder seems to be fully healed.  He's been going to the physical therapist 3 times a week for several weeks now.  It's made a difference.  And now that he's feeling better he's like a possessed animal.  If we don't find him a way to work off some of this energy soon I think he may start lifting cars.  This morning he got up at 6 AM so he could lift before school.  I'm not talking about a couple of bicep curls... I'm talking full on, sweat pouring, lifting.  I just pray he doesn't go too fast and hurt himself again because he's so anxious.  I'm pretty sure he's going to go to wrestling practice tonight.  I pity whoever he gets matched up with...  

This Sunday we have another wrestling dual.  If Spencer's shoulder does well tonight, he will get to wrestle on Sunday.  Quinn will be wrestling too.  He got to wrestle for the first time (since he was in 1st grade) last weekend.  He got pinned 3 times.  The last one was something called a stack?  I think???  It looked bad...  he got hurt... we spent the afternoon at urgent care getting x-rays of his neck to make sure he didn't break anything.  He didn't and he's fine, but wrestling is beast...  And you know what, Quinn went right back to work on Tuesday.  I'm so proud of him for that.  I know he's working hard and not getting much satisfaction from the sport THIS YEAR, but the fact that he's sticking with it will pay off in so many ways.  I pray he knows that.  

Drama this week for sure...

(Little boys are good - loud, but good - and not causing more drama than normal.  Thank goodness!)

Here's to the last full week before Christmas.  Here's hoping things will slow down a bit at work as people start disappearing for the holidays.  Here's praying that we get through the next week without any new injuries.

Here's to finally tackling my baking.  Here's hoping everyone loves the gifts we've chosen for them.  Here's praying for guidance on how to best support all of the needs of all of our children in ways that personally work for them.

Here's to sitting down to drink wine and watch Polar Express.  Here's hoping I can finish that one last project I'm working on before Christmas.  Here's praying that I can remember the real reason for this season and can trust that God has a plan that includes all of this drama.

Have a Happy week everyone!  (And sorry for the wordy email...  it's therapy...)

PS - how cute are these ornaments that Beckett has made for our tree?  I don't even have to fake how much I adore these.  Like seriously love...